Little Miss Perfect

Why yes, it is fabulous!

Little girls are made to be beautiful.
They have the sweetest voices, hair that has not been tortured (yet) and a face that could make anyone melt.
This why pageants exist!
Pageants are the perfect place for parents to show off what they made from scratch.
Little angels of grace and sophistication that are bursting with self-esteem.
Naysayers of the pageant world think the glitz and glamour are harmful for a child's self image, but it couldn't be farther from the truth.
Teaching young girls to take pride in their looks, be competitive and learn how to deal with losing is essential to having a positive self image. 
Some pageant parents have been known to take it a bit too far, but thats usually not the case.
All the negativity surrounding pageants are probably due to a mother who had a nasty attitude when her child lost.
Teaching children that the world won't always go their way and that sometimes they will lose is a positive thing.
The talent portion of pageants allows girls to show off what their momma gave em'!
Some girls sing and others dance, but they always look like they're having fun doing it.
That's the best part- having fun.
Pageants let girls make friends outside of school, experience the feeling of being beautiful and makes them more outgoing and competitive. 
Children who want to participate should be allowed to do so without any negativity.

Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind, it is an abomination.

Don't let the Republicans catch you or you'll be stoned to death!

Hold up Leviticus, wait a minute...
So homosexual's are damned to Hell? 
They shouldn't attend church or adopt children?
And they can't get married to receive equal benefits?


Their taxes must really suck.


As Christians, we believe in a few things.



But we all sin. Every day. 
Sometimes we don't even know we've sinned, because most of us are uneducated about sins.
It's more than the Ten Commandments, people.


Christian ladies, if we appear in public venues, talk to strangers, braid our hair or wear gold or pearls, apparently we need to repent. 
And Christian men, don't wear kilts or any kind of clothing that is soft. Say goodbye to that cashmere sweater Mom gave you for Christmas, because every time you wear it you're sinning. 


Of course, all of these regulations appear in the Old Testament.
When Christ died on the cross for our sins, He freed us from the Old Testament.
In Hebrews 10:9, God stated that He took away the first law to establish the second, hence the New Testament. 


Leviticus is part of the Old Testament. Just sayin'.


How are the sins we commit every day any more sinful than being gay?
Some Christians believe that homosexuals are intentionally disobeying God.
They feel that although the deserve God's love, they shouldn't be allowed in church until they can lead a heterosexual lifestyle.
After all, their gay germs might spread to the rest of the congregation and then we'd all be damned.


WHAT?! 


We can say this type of thinking is ignorance, but that would be judgmental.
All of us, Christian or not, disobey God to a certain extent. 
We knowingly lie, laugh at someone's expense and judge people by their outfit or car they drive. 
It does not matter in the long run what we think about anyone. 
The only judgement that matters is the judgement of our Savior, who clearly wants us to love one another. 


When we see our fellow man hurting and crying out for help, we should do something about it. 
Roughly 16,000 children a day die from starvation.
Still, many Christian conservatives don't think homosexual couples should adopt an impoverished child or any child for that matter.
The main argument is they will turn the kid gayer than Elton and Liberace combined.
Whether people are born gay or choose it as a lifestyle, no parent wants pain for their children.
Any couple, regardless of sexual orientation, that chooses to adopt obviously want children. 
They want to protect them and nurture them, not see them get teased or bullied. 
The world is cruel for enough reasons.
We shouldn't assume homosexual parents would raise children to be intentionally gay and endure the pain they suffered as young adults.
Teenage moms, single parents and crackheads have kids.
Shouldn't two loving parents, regardless of gender, have the same right as a crackhead?!




Gay couples face a ton of opposition when it comes to marriage.
First it's legalized, then it's not. 
We need to just make up our minds and legalize it already. 
Gay marriage isn't hurting anyone!
Divorce rates are at an all time high in the United States. 
Many homosexual couples find a partner, settle down and spend the rest of their lives together, the same way heterosexual couples do.
They just don't receive any of the benefits straight couples do and aren't legally recognized as married.
People argue that marriage is a sacred institution, a Christian right between a man and woman. 
All of that went down the tubes with the first broadcast of "The Bachelor."
We can't hold on to the image of marriage being between a man and woman just because someone once labeled it "sacred."
Sacred is something that is honored, revered, cherished. 
Gay couples feel the same love heterosexual couples feel!
They don't have a different strain of love DNA in their genes!


It is 2010.
We need to stop being homophobic and hateful.
God's judgement is the only one that matters and He loves ALL His children.






John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVERBELIEVETH IN HIM should not perish, but have everlasting life.

 

 

Jesus is the son of God, He died on the cross for our sins and rose from the grave. 

The Bible is God's message to us and by reading His word we learn how to be a follower of Christ. 

We shouldn't lie, steal, cheat, take the Lord's name in vain or murder.

The Preppy Way of Life

Yes, please!

Being a prep is more than wearing Burberry, Brooks Brothers and J. Crew. 
It's having the grades to get into Mummies alma-mater, knowing how to mix Daddy's favorite drink and always being classy. 
Preppy ladies and preppy men have different purposes and different attitudes. 
Let's examine how to be a preppy lady.


Ladies, classic fashion is our friend. 
A few pieces to always have in your wardrobe:
1. Sperry's in every color. 
   - They are perfect for sailing, attending courses at Yale University and chasing the hot pool boy around the water. 
   - Never pair Sperry's with a dress. Only capri pants or khacki's. 
2. The classic Lacoste polo shirt.
   - Amazingly comfortable during tennis practice and quite resistant to those grass stains one might acquire while frolicking the grounds with the instructor... 
   - Don't wear the Lacoste polo under a blazer. Only button up shirts will do for this. 
3. Dolce & Gabbana khacki skirt.
   - Daddy (and Daddy's friends) will be impressed when you show up in this to play golf. That is, of course, if he's not on another one of his benders.
   - The khacki skirt is not acceptable to attend one of Brother's frat mixers. Vomit is not easily removed from the material, so take note. 


Now let's move on to lifestyle choices. 
Remember, the first rule of prep school is don't talk about prep school!
We don't speak about our lavish home in the Hamptons, how Grandaddy has a plaque dedicated to him in the foyer or the family money. Especially the family money.
No one needs to know that Great-Grandaddy invented the urinal cake or that Aunties divorce settlement left her very comfortable. 
A tip for while you're away at prep school is to monogram everything.
Not only is it chic and makes everything look more expensive, but no one wants the roommate from New Jersey (how did they get accepted, anyway?!) using our hand towels.
Gross.
College is also when we find true love.
Okay, maybe not true love, but someone to marry who can support our Louis Vuitton habit and hire Lupita to do the laundry.
Ladies, we attend University for the diploma. 
Not to brag about it to potential employers, but to hang in the study for decoration. 
We don't need to work if we marry the right man, and if he happens to not be the right man, we always have Mummie and Daddy's money to fall back on.


Now, we can examine the gentlemen's guide to preppy.
Preppy gentlemen already know not to show their underthings. Disgusting and definitely not preppy. Speaking of underthings, only Ralph Lauren and Versace will do. None of that Fruit of the Whatever. Cheap!


Their are a few key fashion choices all preppy gentlemen must own, as well:
1. Bass Weejuns in black, burgundy and brown. 
    - Wonderful for relaxing in the den, drinking 40-year-old scotch while ignoring the 23-year-old wife. 
    - Weejuns can be worn for any occasion, just make sure and pick the correct style.
2. A perfectly tailored Armani blazer in Navy Blue.
    - Looks stunningly professional during an afternoon at the office. Also, navy blue blends in with the crowd down at the racetrack, because we wouldn't want the misses to know about that bad habit!
    - No one should know that the label on the blazer is Armani, of course. We wouldn't want to be pretentious, would we? Ha.
3. Grandaddy's antique Corum watch, because the Rolex went to Daddy.
   - Wear it with pride, wear it with everything. 
   - Remember to hide it from the housekeeper. Also, hide it from the wife when she finds out about the little indiscretion with Suzie the secretary.


Men, lifestyle choices are simple. 
Take over the family business and move into a respectable neighborhood with the wife.
Have two children. Only two, because at a later date when the neighbors adopt from a foreign country, the wife will want to adopt as well. 
Make sure the schools are good so that Andrew and Buffy (and possibly Ling-Shan) will attend the correct schools. 
Always keep up with Kennedy's by driving the latest BMW, throwing a party for every occasion and having more money than they do. 
And men, the BMW should never be a station-wagon, under any circumstances. 
They're ugly. Enough said. 


Being a true preppy comes from the bloodline, the bank account and the boats we spent summers on as kiddies. 
Preppy's don't imitate because we are the imitated. 




One last thing: never wear white after labor day.

Castrate Cupid.

How romantic.

What makes romance so great and special?

That old saying "it's the thought that counts" is the excuse women tell themselves when their spouses don't live up to their expectations.

Romance just isn't all it's cracked up to be.

It's not realistic to expect to be greeted with roses and champagne on our anniversary. We might get the roses- a day late. 

Men are not going to run us a bubble bath and light candles after we come home from a long day at work. 

They are also not capable of sitting through an entire meal without passing gas, no matter how unattractive it may be.

Romance in 2010 is not happening, so get over it.

Wouldn't honesty be better? 

We should know if our butt looks big in that ridiculously expensive dress. That way we can take it back and buy a gym membership using the extra cash.

Women should not feel the need to tie their spouses tie or button their shirt. Assuming we're talking adult relationships here; they're old enough to do it themselves! Quit being mommy and start being bitchy. 

That's the only way to get ahead in this world. 

And although the world is full of passionate and giving men who want nothing more than to brush that piece of hair behind our ear, most of them are batting for the other team. 

Gay men are great friends, but not a woman's first choice for a great lover.

Lovers should be just that- lovers. It doesn't mean they have to send a text reading "Missing my pookie" every five minutes.

Receiving a hand written poem or coming home to a clean house is wonderful, but it usually means they messed up. Again.

Men continuously screw themselves and expect us to be alright with it.

Take note, men. Five minutes is never, ever acceptable unless we demand it to be so.

It takes longer for us to shave our legs than that. So put some effort into it and think about baseball, football or any distraction.

As long as it's not another woman, we're fine with that.

Romance is not what it seems to be on television or in movies. 

No one is going to build us a house made of candles or feed us dinner, because they shouldn't have to.

Women are still fighting hard to have the same rights as men. 

For every sign of weakness we show, the glass ceiling gets higher and higher.

Cupid is not going to come shatter it with an arrow anytime soon.

Romance is and always has had an ulterior motive. 

Men are never nice because they want to be.

It's because they want to get into our panties.

1 Peter 4:8

 

Look it up, lazy.

  The most complicated emotional experience is the l-word, and we're not talking about the "experimental phase" some of us went through in college.

  It's love. 

  Just when we think we've got it all figured out, feelings come back to bite us in the ass.

  We tend to feel a little too much and think a little too much. The combination leads us to drink a little too much. 

  When some people envision love, daydreams of heart-shaped boxes of Whitman's and germ swapping make-out sessions enter their minds. 

  Love is neither of those things.

  Some love is bad, some is good and most of the time it doesn't make any sense. 

  Bad love is just that- bad. It can leave you feeling more trapped than a fat girl's wedgie.

  By the way, fat girls, quit eating those feelings and put down the jumbo sized ice cream float. That's definitely not love.

  Good love is hard to realize and harder to keep.

  Most of us realize (a little too late) that it doesn't happen at 16.

  Teenagers should realize bumping dirty parts while drunk on Boone's Farm is not worth the five to seven minutes it's going to last. 

  The equation high-schoolers really need to learn is E + H(2) = DA.

  Endorphines + Horny Hormones = Dumb ass. 

  More adults should know that as well. 

  As adults, we can fully experience good love. 

  Good love has the ability to turn into great love, but only if we let it mature. 

  It's like eating a piece of fruit too soon. If we aren't patient enough to let it ripen, we'll never taste all the sweetness it can bring. 

  Love doesn't happen overnight. 

  We have to find it and be willing to nurture it. If we don't, it will pass us by. 

  Finding the right kind of love takes time.

  Many people wander aimlessly through life, hoping to find love with McDreamy or McSteamy. 

  Even Dr. Desperate knows unrealistic expectations are problematic. Unrealistic expectations lead women to men who just want to graze their anatomy and walk away. 

  Ladies, we need to turn off Lifetime and figure out that not all men deserve to be shot and castrated. Only some men deserve that.

  Men, cancel the Skinamax subscription.

  And for the last time, quit asking if we want to join-in on the viewing. 

  Mass amounts of silicone and fake moaning do not turn the majority of us on. 

  The ones who do enjoy watching Tiffani with an "I" and Amy with a "Y" bounce around for a paycheck probably have daddy issues. 

  If this happens, run far away. Daddy-didn't-love-me-diva can't fully understand what love means.

  Meaningful love is different for each individual, but we have to love ourselves in order to fully love someone else.

  No one is able put a definition on love.

  Well, Merriam and Webster can, but they're the only exception.

  We should allow ourselves to be loved and love others. 

  Although it's complicated brings ups and downs, loving one another is what the good Lord intended.

 P.S. - The Lord is coming back soon. Possibly really soon.

So get on those knees as soon as possible!
To pray.
Duh.

If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, does anyone care?

Boo frickin' hoo.

   Evergreen, maple, oak.

   Don't discriminate, all trees must be stopped. 

  There are reasons many belive deforestation is bad.

  It leaves millions of God's fuzzy little creatures homeless, increases global warming and decreases rainfall in drought-prone countries. 

  But there are some pro's to the con's.

  We all enjoy having our own place to call home and usually that home's frame is built out of wood.

   The paper we print, the glue we use (to glue things... not to sniff) and the Marlboro filters we burn down all began life in a corporate forest somewhere. 

   Trees are aesthetically pleasing and they give great shade in the summertime, but what else are they doing?

   They're great at falling and destroying homes.

   And don't forget cars, too.

   Wouldn't we all feel safer knowing the towering American Cherry was under our feet to walk on, making our allergen-free floors glisten? 

   Even George Washington, our nation's first president, recognized the threat trees possess. 

   He was trying to protect his home and family. Can't blame him for that!

   Many tree-huggers blame deforestation for the death of Bambi's mother. 

   Honestly, she shouldn't have been out in the open to begin with and her long deer legs were not running at top-speed. 

   When Shel Silverstein wrote "The Giving Tree" in 1964, trees happily gave us what we needed. 

   Branches to build a home, apples to enjoy, even a stump to sit on when we become weary.

   But in these modern times, "The Giving Tree" got some new-age therapy and decided not to give anymore. 

   How selfish!